Relationships
Someone asked me to post an entry on my take in relationships. I’m not a good writer. Lots of grammatical errors. Sentiments aren’t accurately stated. I’m better off talking to persons than writing ideas. But for you, I’ll try to make something.
I’m not a cynical person. I’m not pessimistic. But I’m not overly hopeful. I’m just between always hoping that everything will turn out well and always knowing that everything will not work out no matter how hard you try.
Relationship. If there’s something that I always value, it is a relationship. Friendship, love relationship, professional relationship. Whatever relationship. It is that connection with people that had always gotten my utmost attention. It has received all my efforts and sacrifices. I don’t know but I have always, always found myself doing everything to keep ties, if not keep them so close.
I don’t have any idea what that person wanted me to write here regarding relationships. I’m not sure if I’m doing this right. Perhaps, I’ll just end this by sharing the lessons I learned that I can remember at this moment.
1) Taking care of a person is not just taking care of the person on your terms. It also entails knowing what care that person requires.
2) Open communication is the most important ingredient to keep a relationship.
3) Almost all of the persons I met told me that “sublimation**” is not good. It is not right. It is not healthy for a person. “When you’re angry, express your anger to the person.” I disagree with this idea. When we are angry, we should not talk to the person. We should spend time alone, “processing” everything. Why are we mad at that person? What may be the reason of the person in doing what we hate? Is it right for me to get mad at that person? There are a lot of questions to help us “process everything”. When we are clarified with our conflicts, we can talk to the person. Say things in a modulated voice. Express our self clearly and accurately since we already processed everything with ourselves. We should always remember to use the “I word” in talking to a person. I forgot to say that we could only talk to the person when he or she is ready to talk and listen in a peaceful manner.
4) The ability to talk effectively and listen actively is a very important requirement in applying for an entrance to a relationship.
5) We should know when to work on a relationship and when to give up working on it.
6) There is a difference between an “I miss you” and an “I love you” coming from an ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend. I have always observed this in couples getting back together. When we miss the way we were when we had a relationship with a certain person, it doesn’t necessarily follow that we STILL love that person. Longing is very much different from loving.
7) Nowadays, loving is overestimated and underestimated.
Men never change consistently for a woman throughout their entire lifetime. If they changed, they would always go back to their old selves some time in their lifetime.
9) Women cannot make a man love them if the man does not want to, even if they have sex with him.
10) In choosing a lifetime partner, look at the core of the person and his/her parent of the same sex. Not at the way you feel when you’re with that person. Not at his/her characteristics. Not at his/her physical attributes. These things change. The core of the person does not. The transmitted values from his/her parents cannot be changed. Recent studies can prove that.
I have lots to share but those are the only things that I can remember now. I’m not a relationship expert even though I have 126 EQ. That does not prove anything. I don’t give the exact advices that anyone of you need but I can always listen to you and we can always work together in processing everything. I’m always willing to learn more about relationships and to share what I know about that.
**Sublimation is the channeling of impulses or energies regarded as unacceptable toward activities regarded as more socially acceptable, often creative activities.
