entanglement of all sorts

*My prof last sem saw me last week and said, "You look so groggy." Macoy, who was beside me, told her that I am suffering from dysmenorrhea. My prof told me that I looked really pale and sick. She asked me if I already visited the doctor. I just nodded out of courtesy. I couldn’t really talk at that time. It was excruciating!

I entered our classroom silently. While my prof was discussing, the pain got worse that I couldn’t manage to sit properly. That’s why i went out of the room and lied down on the sofa infront of the Microbio lab. I didn’t care if people were looking at me. I really needed to lie down. When the class was finished, my blockmates passed by me and told me that I looked terrible–with violet lips and very pale face. I wasn’t worried because I am like that every month. Good thing, I didn’t faint this time.

*Two days after that, I saw my prof last sem again. She talked to me. She told me that I was so thin and pale. She asked me if something’s wrong with me and advised me again to see a doctor. I told her, I will (but never did). Liar! Oh well, I will…in time. Procrastinator!

*I went home this weekend and my aunt told me that I got thinner. My sister commented that my thinness is not normal anymore. As usual, my aunt told me to eat on time, eat a lot, drink milk, take meds, etc.

*I was with my mom last sunday and she scolded me for not having breakfast and lunch.

THE PROBLEM: Marami akong sakit kaya maraming bawal na pagkain. Dapat–low fat, less salt and sugar intake, no cheese and chocolates, etc. Aside from this, I need to sleep late because I have to read a lot of books, write papers and reports. Another thing, I am really busy everyday at school that I have no time to eat a complete meal. Kaya ang resulta payat pa rin ako tulad dati or mas papayat pa. Paano ako tataba?

PS: Macoy, sobrang salamat sa concern, sa pagbili ng water, pagremedyo ng hot compress, pagsama, pagbantay…sa lahat! Pagaling ka ha? Labshu! uuummwah!

Sa madaming tao na nagreact:

Let me get this clear.

First, hindi po ako ganoon kalala. Don’t worry I am okay now. Promise! I just felt so bad at that time. Actually, hindi bad iyong word eh. I was mad and frustrated. Imagine, for one week, I was bombarded with so many issues. Issues about third parties, users, innocent victims, etc. I empathized with the people mentioned there. The innocent victims. They’re my friends. The persons who are close to me. Tapos ganoon lang ang nangyari! Naiintindihan niyo ba ako kung bakit ako nagkaganoon?

Yes, I hated the world after that. I had this hasty generalization that everyone’s like that. That in this world, you’ll be either a victim or an abuser. And another yes, I am wrong. I know, I know. But I am okay now. I’m back. My old self. Welcome me.

Second, don’t worry about “that”. I’m more capable of handling whatever will happen this time. Trust me.

Third, I still believe in love, marriage and forever. They exist. Period.

Fourth, everyone has the capacity to change. Everyone has its own “right time”. But those don’t just take place and strike without us doing something about it. We decide to change and grow. We make our right time. I hope we will all find our way home. Whatever and wherever that is, it will be respected by me. I promise.

Fifth, I’m still keeping my values. Don’t worry. I am not that liberated or anything worse than that. I’m still me. Yes, I’ve been exposed to a lot of ‘whatever’. In fact, I gave in to some. You know those. But stop worrying. I’m home.

Thanks for the overwhelming concern. I really appreciated it. Na-touch ako. *teary eyed* I didn’t expect it coming from all of you. But you have to trust me this time—I AM OKAY. *wink, wink* okie? *wide smile* Thanks so much! *tight hug*

I went to a certain mall this afternoon. I had to buy groceries and school supplies. I had no companion at that time and I wasn’t in the mood to go to a mall alone so I texted a friend who would always want to accompany me to anywhere I wanna go to. We went to this certain mall and she told me that her boyfriend, who is technically not her boyfriend, would be there too. I told her that would be good because I would be meeting that total bastard at last. After being introduced to that boy, I couldn’t help but be bothered with how that boy was flirting with my friend. I don’t even know if flirting was really the word for what he’s doing. (I hate to use the word, fondling!) For God’s sake, that boy has a girlfriend for five years now and he’s having a "whatever" relationship with my friend! What the heck?!

That brought to mind the experience of another friend. She had this "whatever" relationship with a boy for three years and this boy just exchanged her for another boy without even explaining to her. They are seeing each other almost everyday and this boy has the guts to always bring with him "his boy"!

Another experience of a friend popped into my mind. She caught her boyfriend for 2 years having sex with their common friend. The worst thing about that was the denial of the boy. How could you deny something you were caught doing?! Stupid answer!

To add another cruel reality to those, a friend’s boyfriend broke up with her after getting her virginity. Loser, wasn’t he?!

I was beginning to get frustrated and mad at how women were always victimized when I remembered an experience of an "older brother of mine". He was dropped like a hot potato by his bride after being married to her for six months just because of shallow and immature reasons.

Here’s another story. My boy friend’s girlfriend had a boyfriend aside from him. The girl’s reason was they were having a long distance relationship and they had little communication. So, why did the girl still commit herself?! Duh!

Those experiences kept my anger at a steady ascending level when my observations reminded me something. Even married couples were having extra marital affairs. I know a lot of couples who indulge in that but I have to shut my mouth to protect the reputation of MY FRIENDS’ parents.

RESULT: I don’t believe in love, in marriage, in forever oftentimes. Gone where the numerous days wherein I used to believe that someday there will be that faithful and loyal man for every woman. It seemed that every boy that I meet, I know, I love WOULDN’T settle for just ONE woman.

Good thing, the part of me that believes in karma still stays. Someday, those BOYS and GIRLS will get their MEDICINES. Someday, those MEN and WOMEN will get their REWARDS.

Stay faithful and loyal. Do everything right. Everyone will get his/her own share in time.

**Just an addition, I hate the fact that almost everything "bad" is already considered normal and typical because almost everybody are doing it nowadays! Shame on those people!

**I hate worldly people. People who give in to the world’s desires and become enslaved by them. Oh well, I know and expect that after reading this, they’ll point their finger at me and shout, "You’re too idealistic! This is the way of the world, man! Be practical.". Let me tell them—"Idealism is very relative. Not conforming to the world’s unnecessary demands, for me, isn’t idealism, my dear people. This is a must reality that have been long unnoticed, or I should say, forgotten."