entanglement of all sorts

Okay naman ako ngayong araw na ito. Iisa ang class. Sinubukan kung tapusin ang Oliver’s Story ni Erich Segal para maisoli before 12pm pero hindi ko natapos kaya binasa ko siya habang naglalunch ako kasama ang aking mga blockmate. Malungkot ang ending. Siguro ganoon nga talaga. Pero hindi ganoon ang nakikita ko sa karamihan ng mga nakakasalamuha ko eh. Sabagay, iba na ang mga tao ngayon eh. Pinipilit tanggalin ang hindi DAPAT nakasilid sa kaibuturan. Iyong umaayon sa idinidikta ng lipunan, ng kung sino mang dapat daw magdikta na nilalang. Norms ba? Naniniwala na silang kaya nilang kontrolin halos lahat dahil tao nga naman daw sila. Highest form of living things ‘ika nga. Kaya may tinatawag na Psychology eh. Pwede na nating kontrolin iyong emosyon, iyong tao. Sinasabi na rin ng ibang disiplina na choice lahat. Well, logical siya. May punto. Pero iba pa rin iniisip ko, tawagin man nila akong idealistic. Naniniwala pa rin ako na hindi lang ganoon. Na may mas malalim na dahilan. Hindi lang para makaramdam at maghangad at magsettle for any form of happiness. Basta kasiyahan daw (kahit mababaw, basta hindi daw sila malungkot). Ngunit para sundin ang totoong nasa kaloob-looban. Iyong alam ng may-ari na talagang makakapagpasaya sa kanya. Na hindi lang dahil naging komportable ka na kaya ka masaya. Natatakot ka nang iwanan ang nakasanayan mo. Hindi mo nga alam kung mas makakapagpasaya nga iyang mayroon ka kaysa sa wala ka. Pero sabi nga nila…choice. Well, happiness is a choice. Could be…. Scientific happiness? Hahaha (sarcastic)

Talking about happiness, umaayos naman relationship ko with my family. Super umaayos na. Well, mayroon din pa lang kasiyahang malalasap ang ilang taong pagpupumilit at paghihirap para lang I can make it work. Thanks God! First priority done! Studies na…okay naman! Naglalibrary na ako. Nag-aaral. Hindi na pabaya. Iyong nga lang mahihirapan na yata akong bumawi. Sabagay, I deserve it. Paghihirapan ko na lang ulit tulad noong high school.

Bumabalik na naman ang MM dati…Iyong matapang na babaeng haharap sa magulong mundo at mga mapagkunwaring tao. Iyong hindi umiiyak. Iyong gagawin ang lahat. Ibibigay lahat ng mayroon siya. Iyon nga lamang, para sa KANYANG sarili na ngayon. Tama na muna ang para sa IBA. At least, my nagawa na siya para doon. Ginagawa na niya ang hinihingi ng mga taong nakakakilala talaga sa kanya–do things for yourself not for others. Do what makes you happy. Love yourself first. It all starts there.

I had a fever last night so I ended up rushing my paper this morning. Good thing, I was able to accomplish it without being late or absent in one of my classes! Hay!

Statistics went well. There was this question thrown to the class but I was again attacked of what I call "stupid shyness". I didn’t recite even though I knew the answer. Well, it just seemed that I haven’t fully overcome that yet.

After my Stat class, Aldrin accompanied me to Vargas Museum. Unfortunately, the museum’s closed. I was about to go but Aldrin called me and suggested that I just peek at the window. I ended up doing just exactly that. Whew! That was really hard! I couldn’t even read the name of the painter and the painting’s title. I saw the pity on the guard’s eyes so I took advantage of it and begged him to let me in. However, his boss was there and apparently, he was afraid that he might be caught violating a rule–accepting an intruder. Nyahaha! Tiniis ko na lang…bukas na ipapass iyong paper eh. 9:30am. Tapos, 9:00am pa sila mag-oopen. Good luck sa akin noh! Thanks at maabilidad si Aldrin! Whew! (Sabay punas ng pawis!hehe)

Then came my supposed to be interesting subject. One hour din iyong inaksaya kong time na nagde-daydream! Hahaha! After that was my Anthro class. There I met my eccentric professor–white and shoulder length haired, wore a blue long sleeved polo over a white shirt, held a lighter (right hand) and pipe (left hand), smoked during the class, late for almost an hour, possessed an inaudible voice, good in english, really got the spunk! Let me just say that he’s just unique. I was just taken aback (As in! Super!)…

Have to finish a paper on three paintings and make an artbox…Good evening guys!

Hayon, kasama ko na namang lumabas si Mar. Bumili ng kung anu-anong bagay na dapat bilhin. Mga makasining na gamit. Mga walang kabuluhang bagay na nagbibigay ng kasiyahan at nagwawaglit ng problema. Mga kailangan para mapanatiling maayos ang mga natitirang mumunting gamit.

Lakad. Lakad pa. Tawa. Tawa ng malakas. Tingin dito. Biruan doon. Hay, sana ganito ang buhay! Subalit, dumadating din sa puntong mapapagod ka. Nagpahinga kami at kumain. Nag-usap. Pag-ibig. Ano ang pag-ibig? Malabo. Mahirap ipaliwanag. Ganito kasi iyon. Hmmm… Gets? Ano daw? Hindi bale, naiintindihan ko naman. Emo beings naman tayo. Ramdam. Ramdam iyong ibig ipahiwatig. Pag-ibig na naman! Hayon, naalala ko tuloy siya. Grabe Lord, napapadalas na yata ‘to ah!

Ipinagpatuloy ang usapan. Pinagaan kasi bumigat ng konti. Sekswal naman ngayon pero may bahid ng pag-ibig. Ano ba yan?! Pag-ibig na naman! Love makes the world go round nga talaga!

May tao bang para sa iyo talaga? Iyong mag-aalay ng tunay na pag-ibig…Wala yata eh. Huwag ka ngang mangarap! Walang kwenta. Minsan mayroon namang maibibigay–panibagong pag-asa…. Pag-asang ano? Pag-asang masaktan at ibasura ulit?! Tsong, maawa ka naman! Mahalin mo ang sarili mo….

Hay, pagaanin ulit. Tawa. Tawa pa. Uwi na tayo. Isip. Usap ulit. Pamilya. Platonic na lang. Nagbabago nga ba? Sa akin, oo. Sa akin, hindi naman. Baka naman wala talaga noon pa man. Hay, sana mahanap natin iyong ultimate SIYA….pangarap na naman! Peste!

Politics naman! Society. Roles. Hindi na ako naaawa sa mga yan! May ginagampanan eh. Walang ganoon kung walang ganyan. Adam Smith ba iyon? Oo yata. Nakalimutan ko na ang sociology ah! Oh, dumadating na naman sa pag-ibig…Tigil na. Ano ba yan?! Magsawa ka naman!

Pagod na ako. Tulog na. Magandang umaga. Pilipinas. Mahal ba kita? Ewan. Oh, tama na nga sabi eh…OO na!

I woke up just in time to prepare for my Econ class. I wasn’t late and that was good (at least for someone like me who’s always late!) My prof, who happened to be the dean of Economics lectured for three hours straight. NO BREAK! But then, I was grateful because surprisingly my attention span during that time was long enough to survive and note down all the relevant things my prof uttered.

After that, I went home, munched on some cheese nibbles and watched I am Sam. It became my second favorite movie. It was about a mentally challenged man who was left with a daughter to take care of. His wife left him after she gave birth of their daughter, so he was left alone to raise his daughter. His "special" friends were there to help him…until his ability to raise a child was questioned and his daughter was taken away from him. The film’s so touchy that I ended up teary eyed. It made me prayed to God for a husband who will love my children just as much as Sam loved Lucy.

I remembered my father and I was grateful that he still finds time to cook for us, laugh with us, drive us to a certain place and give some advice no matter how basic it was for me. Sometimes, I hate myself for demanding a perfect father from him when I am not even a perfect daughter to him. Hay!

I read my Stat course notes. Then, slept. Upon waking up, I went downstairs, played the piano. Then, called for the nieces of our "katiwala" and teached them a basic piece. After that, I went to my room, lied down on my bed. I got nothing to do. Then, I started thinking of him. Oh, I always think of him when I’ve got nothing to do! That’s why I make sure that I’m always busy. I tire myself ’til my body craves for sleep. Now, it’s one of the days when I have to think of him because I had no choice. I tried sleeping but I could not. I tried reading but I couldn’t seem to grasp what the author has written. Well, I shouldn’t suppress this. I should just enjoy the feeling…enjoy it while it’s there.

Technically speaking, yesterday was my first day in school. However, it turned out that all my classes that day were cancelled due to blah, blah, blah!

This morning, I was hoping that my only class would be cancelled. But alas, the professor came on time, extended an hour and required the class to pass a 5-page reaction paper! Woh, THAT was really my first day!

I spent my entire afternoon with my sister and her "friend". It was always fun being with them. Renewing the "child in you", I may say.

At night, I visited my friends at their dorm, talked with them, laughed. After that, I still stayed late because Mike asked me to watch the Da Vinci Deception program that he and his org mates prepared. That’s why I ended up going home late.

As I arrived home, I fixed my stuffs and started working on that reaction paper (oy, nagbabago na talaga siya…hehe). After that, I saw my recent crush. He looked older upclose. But what the hell, he still looks hot! (aba, malandi na siya!haha) Well anyway, that will just be that. No further ka-churvahan. I promised myself….

Okay, gotta go…have to take a shower and rest. Good nytie guys! Have a good night sleep! =)