At a party…
Friday, April 28th, 2006
Loud
music…thud of the stereo…clink of glasses…swoosh of cigarette smoke…stomping of
wild dancing feet…voices of high-spirited youths…a silent stealing glance…a hushed
longing heart…an almost empty soul.
“Hey,
got a phone call. Just a bit guys.”
His
heavy lidded eyes never leave her. It follows the free spirited gait she always
had. Then, his eyes rest on an almost desolate smoky corner…beside him. It
witnesses the bright smile she offers and gives back a vague twinkle in its
recesses.
“Howdy!
I’m good! Yeah….”
His
arms long to hug her, to crush her into his warm body, or just to hold her hand
and never let go. Yes, to never leave her and make her happy all the time.
“What?
Where did you hear that?”
His
lips beg to devour her. It needs to kiss her forehead, her nose, her cheeks,
her face, all of her. It badly wants to kiss her eyes and dry all the tears he
has caused her. It pleads to kiss the fears she already has because of what he
had done.
“Uh-uhm.
I’m getting married soon!”
His
head bolts up, together with his hand, that he almost drops his beer. His head
bows down and lunged forward. He heaves a painful sigh. Several of it,
actually. Then, he lit a cigarette with shaking hands. Slowly, he begins to
inhale the aroma that would soothe his tingling nerves.
“Remember
him? He’s back for good!”
He
takes a sip of the bitter beer while holding the cigarette in his right hand.
Then, a lot of gulps follow until he feels numb. Numb with the beer’s spirit,
with his sorrow, misery and frustration.
“Yeah,
I know. I’m really sorry for what I have done with the guys I have used just to
forget him.”
Three…Six…Nine
cigarettes…Oh please, he really needs something to stop his quivering hands!
Twenty…Thirty…Fifty shots of beer…Oh God, he badly needs to be numb right at this
moment!
“Be
assured of that! I love him so much!”
He
grits his teeth. He clenches his fists. He grasps his head and curls his body
into a fetal position.
“He
gave me the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. We’re already engaged girl!”
He
slowly raises his head, sees the glint of the diamond on her middle finger. Oh,
he let go of her again.
“Okay.
Bye! I’ll see you tomorrow!”
Yes,
goodbye to what he had with her. Yes, he’ll just see her around, stealing a
glance of her from time to time.
He
struggles to stand but all he can see is a darkness that slowly eats him up and
strongly pulls him down. Her face, the face of the girl he always loves, is
slowly vanishing. He smiles bitterly because it has always happened—He let her
go, he loses her and he feels so empty. As he closes his eyes, he again misses
the chance to see what has always been there—the worried face of the girl who
extremely cares for him and loves him secretly.
