entanglement of all sorts

Please don’t be a bitch because of me. Don’t let others manipulate you implicitly because whatever you do to yourself won’t have any effect on them.

You  always have a choice. I hope you will choose what is good for you. You’re old enough to decide for yourself. Actually, you’re older than me.
Get a grip girl and start anew! Stop being bitter about that unfortunate event. Slowly let go and move on… Trust me!

8:45 pm

                Required papers were submitted on time and recent examinations were gone through with flying colors. Just three more examinations in Statistics and one for Kasaysayan…. Whew! Nearly done! Should not I feel happy? I cannot understand why the hell should I not…. L A feeling just grips my heart that music cannot even stop it. It continues to squeeze out the life in me, leaving me clutching my hair in frustration. What the hell is this feeling?!

9:00 pm

                His hand is placed above mine. It constantly stays there but I cannot dare clasp it in mine…I cannot even touch it. I just look at it, never keeping it out of my sight. I heave a sigh once in a while. I smile tenderly, sometimes bitterly. I keep on whispering to myself, “He will leave you…He will…as the others did…” but I whisper back, “I will leave him…I will…unlike what the others did…”

9:20 pm

                I hate saying goodbye. I hate losing someone who has become a part of my life. I hate knowing that I will be missing that person. However, there will always be that time when every person meets every thing that he/she hates and I just have to meet them now…though I do not want to entertain them. She will be leaving tomorrow and I know that I could not do anything but to let go of the girl who holds so many insecurities but is strong enough to defy those even though she has fallen many times…to let go of the love stories…the sudden high expenditures…the arguments about society, life’s perspectives, life itself, love, and faith…the constant borrowing of stuffs…the “idnis” and drinking sessions…the jamming of voices…and so much more! To let go…. Yes, to let go… “By the way, I had a superb time with you…!”

The last leaf has gone limp due to the ruthless heat of the sun

It hasn’t gotten enough water to retain its strength again

The strongest branch then developed tree lines

It wasn’t cared for that well that it painstakingly dies

The dutiful root hardened and can no longer perform its role

It hasn’t absorb water for long ‘coz there wasn’t any drop of water at all

The flower that graces the plant lost its vibrancy

It was slowly being robbed out of life like the rest

It’s time to let the mourning and regrets fade

It’s time to let go

It’s time to plant another one

It’s time to begin again.

Yes, perhaps it is….

We just have our last meeting in CWTS two days ago…In that meeting, it dawned on me that I might not be seeing the children again…and it was the night of that day that I had a good cry…a cry that I hope was sent to the children…a cry of a good farewell…a cry of an inspired hope…a cry of gratitude…

Those children gave me lots of things to ponder on…lots of lessons to take with me throughout my journey…they woke me up and suddenly, I found myself in a colorful world, smiling and giving thanks for these…

-to appreciate little things done for you and given to you…one lollipop is enough to create that warm and contented smile in a child who’s suffering so greatly…

-to appreciate life and be grateful for it…Inside that small clinic, I’ve witnessed children who fight for their lives…who struggle to live…who endure the pain of undergoing their chemotheraphy…who still offer their hand knowing that that hand will be inserted with needles many times because the nurse will be spending time trying on every veins since many of them have collapsed…outside that clinic, I saw people who smoke and drink heavily…who take illegal drugs…who commits suicide…people who I know is consciously or unconsciously destroying the good health bestowed on them…how I wish that every second killed in their lives will be offered to these children…

-to be strong for someone even if you’re vulnerable and weak inside…Imagine parents knowing that their son/daughter will be dying any time…Feel the pain they’re feeling…the pain of lossing a loved one…someone who is so dear to you…your own flesh…These parents are there accompanying their children…smiling and giving joy…offering support and encouragement…It is such an endearing sight that motivates me to be strong for others even though everything’s a total blur…

-to inspire hope, give joy and share your time to others…Volunteering comes from the heart…Figuratively speaking, all human beings have a heart…we feel bliss…we feel pain…It doesn’t just stop there…It isn’t just a plain heart that feels…I’ll quote this from the Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery– "The desert is beautiful…because somewhere it hides a well." It has something inside…something wonderful that offers a miracle…Look inside your heart, you might find that well and quench the thirst in every person you meet…

These are the children who showed a different world to me…They are the children who showed me heaven…They’re my angels!