entanglement of all sorts

Nothing new really…i just had two exams yesterday and it was like staying in hell though the room was quite cold. Today, i’ll be having another dreadful exam. I wish i’d be in the borderline of heaven and hell if I wouldn’t be in heaven..

Piles of paper works and major exams will start to bug me again for the rest of the week..I wish I’d have the zest to accomplish them all.. I thirst for making my parents happy by living up to their expectations..but I think I can’t quench that when I do not help myself..People keep on asking me, "Kailan ka magbabago?", when I always tell them that I would be changing my ‘way of living’..Don’t you think it’s time for me to ask myself? When will I do that great transformation? Yes, I know a change may take some time..it occurs gradually..but then, I already want to change. I can’t say that I’m fully determined to do so because if I were then I would be changing by now.. But don’t you think I’m already changing and I’m not just aware of it coz what I want is a tremendous and sudden change? Well, it’s time to ask myself again..But you know what..I can’t answer them and I always get frustrated so I just leave it and say the most famous line, "Bahala na!"

Sa nagpagawa sa akin ng poem… You know who you are… Eto na iyon. Sorry ha? Hindi maganda…. Hinabol ko lang kasi, tsaka wala na akong masiyadong time para gumawa. Babawi na lang ako next time, okay? Sorry ulit…

He lit my eyes with bright twinkling lights

and put a glowing aura on my face.

However, he went away, turn off all the lights

and my world has gone dark.

He introduced new, profound concepts to me

and let me learn a lot from them.

However, he went away, got the books with him

and my world went tumbling down, lost.

He filled me with hope

and comforted me to not feel bad.

However, he went away, blew the candle

and my world stopped moving, plain, rigid.

He let himself into my world

and helped me discover myself fully.

However, he went away but not with me

and my world crumbled, forgetting who it really is.

Sorry ulit ha? Pang-elementary ang dating… Next time, babawi talaga ako. Sa sembreak…

Free of restrictions and imposing commands…free of smothering sweet nothings and thoughtful deeds…free of a manipulative hand…free of a spear that would go through his soul and destroy his disguise and uncover himself…free of me…

Sound so bitter? Maybe, I am. However, beyond that is the happiness I feel for him. However, beyond that is the uneasiness caused by my confusion over the appropriate definition of doing the right thing. However, beyond that is the hope that we would be okay someday. However, beyond that is the madness and anger that kills the hope I feel for it believes that nothing would ever happen between us again.

Bitter, happy, uneasy, hopeful, mad… It’s funny how all these arrest me at the same time and push me to the ground, struggling to survive and stand…

Sorry pare… Putol putol pa. My cousin fetched me earlier than expected eh. Okay na ba ito? just copy it and save it on your PC. Bahala ka na sa gusto mong gawin dito after that, okay? God bless….

Letting go is the most profound expression of loving a person but inspite of having done that, I still find myself wondering if I really did the right thing….

Yes, I love that person whom they call "tanga", "torpe", "stupid", "jerk", "selfish", "egoistic", etc. Yes, I want him to be happy. That is why I let go of him….

I don’t know if he understood what I did. I just have two thoughts lurking in my mind. Maybe, he felt rejected by a friend or probably he has never felt happier in his life.

With those two possibilities in mind comes the question of doing the right thing. If he felt left out or rejected by a friend, I would have made a big mistake. If it’s the second one, then, way to go, I’m a genius!

If the former is taking place, I would feel so sorry for what I’ve done. I just thought of that possibility lately. I was really impulsive not to consider it earlier. Don’t I deserve the word "jerk" too?

Right now, I’m convincing myself that what I did was right…That that deed would set him free…free of things that would keep him from doing what he wants to do…free of

To be continued…hehehe!

It’s a song actually… I’m a frustrated composer eh.

I The rain starts to pour

  The wind begins to blow

  The people close their door

  But the rivers still flow

Ref. Drown me with the rain that’s poured

       Overwhelm me with the wind

       Empty dark room, I be stored

        Keep me, console me, please

       Then bring me out, renewed

        Totally renewed

II The strings are pulled tightly

   The rubbers are so stretched

   The people still shout at me

   But the pages are still sketched (Ref.)

Bridge:

  I never knew life is cruel

  I never saw the rain

  I never sensed the pull

  I never felt the wind

  But they came to me anyway (Ref.)

Doon sa chords…laruin lang ang C-G-Am-F.